When the Internet first came out e-everything was sky rocketing in value and industry experts boldly proclaimed the end of physical shopping as we knew it. Who would want to go out for something when they can get it online and have it sent to them? Like a modern digital Nietzsche they declared that the Mall was dead.
What they failed to realize was that people enjoy the experience of going to the mall. Online shopping did not satisfy the social and sensory needs to make the mall experience obsolete. Online shopping has been wildly successful especially for commodity type goods like books and electronics and for shoppers competing on price alone but experience still matters. The online stores that provide a better experience vs. their online rivals will have an edge but how can they compete vs. high end physical world service?This principle extends from the business world to your personal relationships too.
Focus on providing an experience in your relationships. Provide an enjoyable experience for your family and friends, co-workers, romantic interests, and society in general. Don’t just go through the motions in these relationships but invest in them and make them pleasurable for others and you will end up enjoying them more too. If you get good at doing this you will find people will be drawn to you and feel like they are having more fun, adventure, excitement while in your presence (depending on what emotion you elicit based on being present and your personality type). If executed correctly for long enough you would begin to be associated with these pleasurable emotions and people will find themselves drawn to you because you regularly bring about pleasurable responses and make things enjoyable.
Easier said than done right? Game techniques offer interesting insight into how to pull some of this off that extends to other relationships too:
- Spending too much time with someone will probably dull the effect
- Getting too comfortable will dull the effect (unless the effect is based on comfort)
- Failing to maintain your frame or desired effect is the equivalent of failing a shit test and losing credibility
- Creating tension in the process is very powerful once someone seeks you out because you regularly make them happy, excited etc… On the extreme ends it can also make them crazy and put you in harms way dangerous like an addict off their drug and feening for a hit.
High Level Framework for providing an experience vs. just being there:
1. Understand what type of emotion/frame you are trying to create
2. Understand the typical emotion/frame you naturally represent
The greater the difference between 1 and 2 the more difficult it will be for you to elicit the desired response in your target. This just means you have to work at it more.
Understand your target
1. How desirable is the emotion/experience you intend to provide to your interaction target?
2. How consistently effective are you at eliciting the emotion/providing the experience during your interactions
3. How often does the target experience the emotion or experience that does not involve you?
The more you are associated with a desired emotion and the less frequent others are the greater chance of creating an experience people you engage with.
Understand your opportunity threshold
1. How often do you come into daily contact with your intended subject?
2. Determine the optimum frequency for contact considering that overexposure is often killer since what is routine often turns boring.
3. Adjust opportunities accordingly depending on what your goal is and how intense the experience you intend to create is.
Commit to action
1. Be the ideal you in every interaction that matters
2. Think about the image you want to project than be it
3. Fake it til you make it or until you get too worn out to care ; )
Creating an experience takes intense focused effort for most people. Very few people are so socially naturally charming that they can create an experience without working at it and making an effort to positively influence others.