I have made my position very clear that I believe in the present day US it is a mistake for most men to get married. If you are looking to take the odds (>50% divorce rate and >75% women initiated divorces) and plunge ahead into marriage despite the risks here are some questions you should ask yourself.
- Has your marriage prospect ever indicated she thought she has or could do better than you?
- Has she been married or engaged before?
- Does she come from a broken family that was a result of a mother initiated divorce?
- Are many of her friends or female family members divorced?
- Has she ever used shaming tactics on you to get you to change to meet her version of her ideal man?
- Does she use sex as a weapon in an attempt to control your behavior?
- Does she view you as a fixer upper project that she can train to be the man of her dreams?
- Have you broken up and gotten back together several times and now she is pushing for marriage to “fix” the relationship?
- Does she have kids that are not your biological children?
- Is she financially irresponsible with excessive debt and no savings?
- Has she indicated that she intends to let herself go (through actions or words) after she finds a husband and settles down?
- Does she have a small dog that she expects you to walk that you frequently visualize a larger dog eating on said walk?
Any of these items could be a red flag that should make you pause and consider if marriage is a wise move given the facts you have and the damage a failed marriage can do to your financial future. You owe it to yourself to dig deep and do the due diligence to lessen your risk if you are hell bent on taking the marriage plunge. If you check a couple of these boxes you better put that marriage idea on ice before she gets all your ice later.
What other warning signs should send men running for the hills?