How to deal with having a crappy father

I am usually too busy doing things to think about how my life would have been different if I was not lucky/blessed to have a great family. I am fortunate to have a great example of a father, one that is always there for me in any way that I need and it has helped mold me into the individual I am today. It is hard to imagine how my life would be different if I had the reverse case and had a crappy father. You know one who either didn’t stick around, never made time for his kids, or perhaps never wanted one in the first place.

I have a younger cousin who has had to suffer through dealing with a bad father. His father was only there when he wanted to be and left a lot of emotional damage as a result. There was lack of involvement, fights (verbal and physical) plus the general sense of not being good enough to have a dad that wanted to be actively involved in his life. He suffered through some issues with drugs and stuff as a young teen but has really cleaned up his life for the better and I am very proud of him, he is serving in the military overseas presently.

His father is a resourceful but wacky individual who has always lived life on his own terms and done exactly what he wanted. Some people might classify him as an alpha male for doing so but not me. If he were never to have had children perhaps, but once he became a dad he owed it to his son to be less selfish, teach him how to be a man, and generally not be an asshole. Unfortunately, that is not how things have gone and although it is true that it takes two for a relationship to work (and my cousin is difficult at times) the father is ultimately responsible to lead and be a loving example of what a man is. Having children is a big responsibility and I firmly believe if a man is not willing to live up to it he should get snipped and save someone from feel like being an unwanted unloved person.

My cousin just found out his father is now dying of cancer and probably only has about 3 months to live. His father did not even want him to find out (allegedly so as to not distract him overseas) but his mother wisely told him since my cousin should have a right to some closure if any is possible. My cousin will be heading back home in the very near future to hopefully be able to make some final peace with his father and end things on better terms. I really hope his father man’s up and lets his son have some final peace about their troubled relationship.

I would be interested if anyone has been in this type of situation or has any good advice about how I can help my cousin end things on good terms, which may or may not be possible.


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