How do you find love if you are focused on protecting against divorce?

A new poster to one of my old divorce threads asked an interesting question “How does a man find love if you are focused on protecting against divorce?” My reflex reaction was that what followed was going to be a trollish comment and I was going to reply “How do you enjoy your new home when you have to get fire insurance beforehand because you are focused on protecting against fire?”. After reading the rest of the comment it became apparent it was actually a legitimate question and one that I really can not answer. It is a bit like asking how can you love as deeply and as blindly as your first time before you suffered a life changing heart break. Some people can repress it and throw themselves right back in and make like it never happened. Others are forever changed by the experience and will no longer trust or love as deeply quite again. There is no playbook answer in those circumstances a lot of it will depend on your previous life experiences and how you best cope and move forward after tough circumstances come your way.

Can you find love if you are focused protecting against divorce? To me the better question is if you find love will you still protect yourself and what you have worked for against the possibility of ruin. No fault divorce, cultural disintegration of divorce stigma, and the potential lure of cash and prizes creates risk. You can still plunge in and take that risk, that is what life is about. But when you go sky diving you take a backup parachute just in case. How are you going to protect yourself while still giving yourself a shot at love? I do not see many benefits that can not be obtained through a committed relationship vs. what has become of modern day marriage.

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2 Responses to How do you find love if you are focused on protecting against divorce?

  1. earl says:

    Depends on what you define love is.

    The Biblical term, the Disney term, the cultural term, or your own terms.

    If you think the only outlet for love is from getting married…then you’ll have a hard time finding it.

  2. What you do is realize how women “love.”

    And get rid of any fantasies to the contrary.

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