Over the last few days I kept seeing an unknown by me # ringing my phone with a name of NRA. I am a supporter of the 2nd amendment and gun rights but its not one of my core issues I really care about and definitely would not contribute money. Regardless, I decided to answer it today and to have some fun with the lady on the other end.
NRA Lady: Tells a 2-3 minute story about how the Obama administration and the United Nations is seeking to ban weapons and eliminate our gun rights in this country.
Me: Would that affect my RPGs and collection of claymore mines too or just regular guns?
NRA Lady: Sir, RPGs are not allowed as is so you will definitely be affected by this UN provision. Do you think the UN should be able to dictate what happens inside our country?
Me: The UN can’t even feed starving kids in the world when they try no way in hell they’d be able to take my RPGs from me. Over my cold dead right wing body!
NRA Lady: Sir I’d like to transfer you to XYZ so we can enlist your financial support to oppose this UN weapons ban and oppose the White House in their support of it. Can we count on your support?
Me: How much would I have to give? I’d really like to help but I just ordered some stinger missiles and mustard gas and I am kind of tapped right now.
NRA Lady: Sir, any amount would help or we could put you on a payment plan so we can count on your continued support.
Me: Hey do you know Sarah Palin? She’s kind of hot think you could get me a date with her?
NRA Lady: I am pretty sure shes already married.
Me: What about her daughter then she seems like a good time.
NRA Lady: I have a few other calls I need to make to reach my quota. Can we count on your financial support against tyranny or do you want to live in a gun free United Nations of America?
Me: Bust out singing a parody of the Ramones’ song THE NRA TOOK MY MONEY AWAY..
NRA Lady: Click and a dial tone.
I am not expecting a call back anytime soon but will take it if its Charleston Heston himself.