Picked up the book The Voice a Frank Sinatra bio and brought it on vacation with me to the great state of Florida. It was a long but addicting read detailing the early career of Sinatra and all of the capers he got involved with. If any entertainer had more personalty than Frank in the 1900s I am at a loss to think of who that might be. The public both loved and then hated him several times throughout his career but he always did it his way.

His way is the way of the alpha if your thing is banging broads and being the best at what you do. Sinatra had more quality tail than any of his peers and he did it through sheer charm and by being the ring leader that always kept things interesting for his crew. He also had the danger element working in his favor, he had an explosive temperament that could turn to rage on a dime and mob connections although no one truly knows how deep they were.

Some things I learned from reading about Frank:

• No matter how alpha you think you are you’ll meet you match and then some at some point. Sinatra slayed everything in his path until Ava Gardner but then he became under her spell and lost his mojo. The hunter becomes the hunted and everybody hurts sometime.
• Setbacks are temporary. Everyone wrote Sinatra’s career off when he stumbled after rising to the top but he kept hustling and never gave up. His critics thought many names like Haymes, Fisher, Como, Lewis & Martin etc.. would be remembered instead of him but through sheer will power and desire he is the name everyone remembers.
• Sometimes we don’t appreciate what we have if it is too comfortable. Frank’s first wife was always his rock and one of the old school good women but he just couldn’t be satisfied with easy. He took care of his family financially but was pretty much a stranger to them besides that. Not the kind of man I’d want to be even though I can envy his lifestyle on occasion.
• Sinatra spent like there was no tomorrow throughout his life and was often very close to insolvent due to his extravagance. He pulled it off due to extreme talent and hustle but most people that try to emulate this lifestyle will end up under performing not everyone can be Sinatra. Many people in his crew like Sammy Davis Jr. tried to mimic his approach but got themselves in financial trouble.
• To reach the top levels like Frank you have to have a sole focus on self and not worry about what others think. This approach wouldn’t be for me I am much to loyal a person and couldn’t discard people that helped me along the way just because I was ready for the next step in the ladder. Frank navigated this path several times and always burned the bridge and made the move onward and upward.
• No one is completely good or completely bad. It would be easy to vilify or think less of Sinatra after reading this book but for all the bad there are also tales of his legendary generosity and being there when someone needed it. Life is complicated and it is a sign of maturity when you can see the grey.

Sinatra could never be bored and could never sit still. Always had to be moving and staying one step ahead of the coffin. In the end we all only have a limited amount of time on this earth so you decide what is important to you and DO IT YOUR WAY.

Do you appreciate the simple things in life and savor the moment while you are in it? Or are you hurrying through life busy shuffling from one chore to the other without taking a step back and giving yourself time to enjoy life? I indulged in a mini retreat this past weekend and it was paradise. Just doing what I wanted with no forced routine or schedules to meet, living in the moment. The polar opposite experience from the day to day grind of wishing your life away.

Feeling the breeze through my hair with the top down, salty sea mist in the air, tasting it like the prelude to a margarita.

Savoring the sand between my toes.

Marveling at the power and vastness of the ocean. In and out. Calm one minute and powerfully destructive the next.

Imagining the treasures claimed by the sea over the centuries and cooking up plots on how I could get my hands on some of it.

Sad for the people so absorbed with their cell phones too busy to experience paradise beyond advertising to their “friends” that they were there.

When was the last time you did exactly what you wanted to do and put the mundane aside? Even just for a little while.

“I need to stop wishing my life away Monday – Friday from 8am to 5pm. I’ll want it back someday”.

This powerfully deep nugget was part of a friend’s Facebook status update. Anyone who is not passionate about what they are doing often wishes their week away working for the weekend like the old 80′s Loverboy anthem. This mindset takes shape at an early age in school but at least you are working for the weekend + the summer then. Once you have a job it is working for the weekend + a few weeks paid vacation if you are lucky.

We wish too much of our time away anticipating greener pastures sometime far off a day not today. It is easy to live life in this way and not think about it until you are at the end of your days. Don’t wait until your hourglass has a grain of sand left, take control of your life and get passionate about living. That or enjoy your weekend. Carpe diem.

Social media is all encompassing for many people. They eagerly log in even before the morning coffee is made and it is the last thing they do before hitting the sack. Relationship ending status changes are one of the more awkward realities that happen when people choose to live their personal lives transparently online. Many people can’t help but share even the most personal details of their lives especially during stressful situations like divorce. Here are my recommendations on how a man should utilize social media during a divorce.

The #1 thing to keep in mind is that the person who cares the most about their social media  relationships and reputation has the most to lose. In 95% of cases I am guessing that is the woman but if you are the rare exception now is a good time to see if your social media usage is out of hand.

My recommended social media divorce strategy:

• Avoid mentioning the divorce in social media. Instead discuss the situation with people you trust in face to face settings.
• Never update your social media relationship status in the first place. If you already have my recommendation is once the marriage is formally over change the setting to blank on the sly by reading up on the notification changes and altering the setting to make it a private change.
• Don’t friend work colleagues on social media sites that has family involvement keep those for LinkedIn. Even more important don’t have family and colleagues intermingle on social media it could get messy through no fault of your own so it is better to avoid that drama.
• If you are being treated unfairly in your divorce social media can be a powerful tool to gain a little leverage and fair treatment if you can not achieve it through reason and compromise. This leverage is most powerful to you when you did nothing wrong to warrant divorce (hooray frivolous divorce queens in my best red stripe guy accent), are mutual friends with her friends and family and don’t have personal and work relationships intertwined. In this type of scenario you have all kinds of options from doing nothing for fair treatment, correcting lies, or even being antagonistic if you are being treated unfairly (often this just means being transparent about her unfairness).

Social media divorce scenario #1 – Your soon to be ex unfriends you.

How you should respond: Don’t mention it to her or via your own account this is just a social media divorce mirroring what is happening in real life. Have a mutual friend loyal to you keep an eye on the communication stream to make sure lies are not being told about you.

Social media divorce scenario #2 – Your soon to be ex changes her relationship status but stays friends with you.

How you should respond: Avoid the drama but aggressively correct any lies unless it is in your strategic advantage not to do so.

Social media divorce scenario #3 – Your ex asks you to unfriend all of her friends and family even ones that you have a good relationship with.

How you should respond: Refuse to do so unless you are given major concessions that are beneficial to you settlement wise. The main reason she is asking you to do this is because she either intends to lie about you and doesn’t want you to have easy access for correcting facts or because she thinks some of them may side with you and cause her difficulties. Either way this can be a source of advantage for a man facing frivolous divorce and since the system is so stacked against you this is a nice form of digital leverage. Harness the leverage and use it however is best for your settlement not for revenge. Often times this will mean doing nothing but verbally insinuating that you might need to tell the truth on facebook and that you know you have broad support among mutual friends. Keep the insinuations vague and just open the possibility that her dirty laundry could be exposed.

Social media divorce scenario #4 – You first find out about your impending divorce via facebook or other social media tools

How you should respond: Look in the mirror and know you married a heartless digital robot and apply the advice in scenario 3 to maximum advantage.

Social media divorce scenario #5 – You find out she is seeing someone else prior to your divorce being final.

How you should respond: In most cases this is not that important and you should cut the cord and realize your relationship is done and it doesn’t matter. If kids are involved and a fair custody split can not be achieved do some light background checking to see if there is any leverage to be had by investigating the background of her new acquaintance. If he has a shady past it could be a real advantage to you so hope she has rekindled her love of bad boys. If she brags or shows pictures about all night party sessions, illegal activities, or excessive alcohol take some screen shots and build a case file it could come in handy.

Remember your goal in using social media in a pending divorce is not to get emotional support or social revenge. Your goal is to get the best settlement that you can and move on with your life. Any questions?

When I was younger I was hungry to improve myself but didn’t know how to go about doing it. I went about things the hard way trying to read a lot, searching for wisdom from self proclaimed gurus who claimed to have answers. Reading is still a passion of mine but looking back I realize that I was pursuing my quest for self improvement in the hardest possible way. I was arrogantly trying to learn by collecting knowledge and processing it on my own but that is a difficult road if you want to achieve big things in life. I failed to realize there is a much easier path to success that I am starting to enthusiastically embrace. Find someone who has succeeded at what you want to do and do what it takes to build a good relationship with that person. The road to success has already been paved for you, find a good mentor and do not try to do it all on your own. Finding the right mentor at a young age can propel you ahead of the pack but it is never too late as long as there is still something you want to achieve.

Karma is one thing but instant karma is rare. John Lennon knew what he was talking about. So many of clueless people her death was no tragedy but it definitely was preventable. Honor your marriage vows. Avoid traveling alone to dangerous parts of the city where previous incidents have happened. The world is a dangerous place and foolish actions have consequences mostly for the kids left behind.

At least some of the commenters get it:

“Let’s be honest, this woman was a very shady person. I don’t want to hear any more about her. She’s scum. I have relatives like her, don’t really care to read about it in the news”.

“Her bag has “My Way” on it. her flickr handle was MeMyselfSarai. Do we normally broadcast how self-centered we are? Maybe her narcissim was her downfall”.

“This story sets offs warning bells. Married? Single? Trip alone with only cell phone to take pictures? Smells fishy. Sex with strangers? Are you kidding me. Sleeper cell?”

Most husbands of cheating women won’t get out this easy, they will get half.

This. Patriarchy principles at their finest. Some see this oppression but those people are already lost so who cares what they say. It is a father’s role to protect his children and guide them to what is good. A wise father does not leave his daughter at the whim of her hormones to please those that care nothing for her for a temporary time until she is used up. If you see this as over controlling too bad that type of perspective is what has led our society off the moral cliff and dangerously close to a major societal reshaping. If a father does help his daughter build a strong character and screen out undesirable men from his young daughters life who will?

Life is full of choices and tradeoffs deciding to take one road may very well close off others that we would also like to have. If I never went to medical school I won’t be a legit doctor by the time I am 30. If bearing children is not a priority early in life that is each persons choice but choices have repercussions that must be accepted and factored in when making a decision. The myth that a woman can have her cake and eat it to is usually just that a myth.

Good fathers want the best for their daughters and want to protect them against what is ugly in society. This means speaking the truth and letting them know that even if society promotes this type of behavior it is not ok and not in their long term best interests. Our daughters need fatherly guidance and wisdom.

Seth Macfarlane is hilarious, edgy and willing to make fun of any group no matter how incorrect said group may think it is to make fun of them. He makes fun of himself too so he is not one of those tools who can sling mud but cries when it comes back in his direction. Anyone who has seen his shows or performances in the comedy central roasts knows this to be true. The Academy knew what they were getting when they signed him up unless somebody seriously ignored ever fact out there about him. All of the humorless twitter critics and blog detractors crying that he was over the line are complete and utter whiny babies. It is his art and what the academy signed up for when they signed him on the dotted line to be host master. They got what they paid for and should have expected if they would have done any research at all. Maybe what the Academy sought most was attention, Mission Accomplished…

The police state continues to expand at alarming rates so it is important to know how you should respond when you find yourself dealing with the law. Here is some quality advice on what to do when you get pulled over by the police. My goal in this type of situation is to give myself the best chance to get a pass on whatever fine I might have coming my way by being respectful and making the cops job as easy as possible. This article provides that same type of philosophy and gives good tips on how to achieve that by putting the officer at ease and being polite throughout the stop. At the same time I am unwilling to submit to unlawful fishing expeditions hoping to find something unrelated to the stop. Refusing these type of searches is your duty as a lover of liberty. Make them get a warrant or be on your way. If you are harassed unlawfully take names and take to social media or the old school local newspaper to communicate the facts naming names along the way. Police have a job to do but you have a duty to preserve your liberty.