20 Things a mother should tell her son – A wise father’s rebuttal

Thank you dad

Sung in my best cowboy voice, Fathers don’t let your sons grow up to be manginas…

Saw this motherly wisdom going viral on Facebook and couldn’t pass up the chance to reinforce how father’s need to save their sons from well intentioned (maybe?) “motherly wisdom”

1. Play a sport.
It will teach you how to win honorably,
lose gracefully, respect authority,
work with others, manage your time
and stay out of trouble.
And maybe even throw or catch.

This is true son baseball, football, lacrosse, golf (for when your a power broker later) be athletic and reap the spoils that  young athletes get and be the aloof jock that ladies love. Hit the weight room hard early and develop a strong body.

2. You will set the tone
for the sexual relationship,
so don’t take something away from her
that you can’t give back.

Son, nice guys finish last in many cases. Women want a man who will lead and are just as interested in sex as you are. Use protection and experiment in a safe way. If she says no back off it is her loss but until then assume the sale. If any out of line fathers give you a problem let me know, I got this.

3. Use careful aim when you pee.
Somebody’s got to clean that up, you know.

Son, pee in the shower its a bigger target and if you miss that we need to get you glasses.

4. Save money when you’re young
because you’re going to need it someday.

Yes, son save money and use it to enjoy life and set yourself up to be independent preferably by owning your own business. Don’t blow this savings trying to impress women your cocky funny demeanor and dominant personality are all you need.

5. Allow me to introduce you
to the dishwasher, oven,
washing machine, iron,
vacuum, mop and broom.
Now please go use them.

That’s why we have your mother son. Actually, you need to learn these things when you get out on your own unless your such a charmer you can get them done for you.

6. Pray and be a spiritual leader.

Lead in all things you do. Being a spiritual leader means finding a woman that believes what you believe and leading that encounter. This leadership does not mean leading her in her religion of choice you make that decision and lead from your wisdom not following her to her church like a puppy.

7. Don’t ever be a bully
and don’t ever start a fight,
but if some idiot clocks you,
please defend yourself.

Wow, I thought mom would tell you to tell the teacher not so bad. Don’t bully and don’t start the aggression but if it happens protect yourself and fight to win. If you are faced with a weapon or a no win situation it is ok to retreat and fight in a time more conducive to you winning. Do not get involved in situations that are not your problem unless family or best friends are involved.

8. Your knowledge and education is something
that nobody can take away from you.

Spend your time mastering important subjects at a young age and continually learn about them. Learn things like math, science, history, finance, and learn many skills. The sooner you find out what you want to do for a living the better. And son not all degrees are equal you do need to be able to get a job after you graduate.

9. Treat women kindly.
Forever is a long time to live alone
and it’s even longer to live with somebody
who hates your guts.

Judge women by their actions not what they say. Do not get overly hung up on any one woman son. Do not think there is a concept such as “the one”. You are the prize act accordingly.

10. Take pride in your appearance.

 Dress in a way that optimizes your personal style and makes you feel like the man. Be able to dress up for nice occasions and look like James Bond while doing so.

11. Be strong and tender at the same time.

Both can be important but err on the side of strong dominance think a 4-1 ratio.

12. A woman can do everything that you can do.
This includes her having a successful career
and you changing diapers at 3 A.M.
Mutual respect is the key to a good relationship.

Why exactly are you telling my son this he will hear it nearly every day from his school indoctrination. Does he really need to hear it from you too?

13. “Yes ma’am” and “yes sir”
still go a long way.

Respect is important especially towards your parents. Always demand respect from others as well it is a two way street.

14. The reason that they’re called “private parts”
is because they’re “private”.
Please do not scratch them in public.

Thank you mom for getting this stereotype into this list I am worried you are real short of material if this came up at 14 these next 6 are going to be scary.

15. Peer pressure is a scary thing.
Be a good leader and others will follow.

Lead and be your own man.

16. Bringing her flowers for no reason
is always a good idea.

Son, this is usually NOT a good idea. By bringing her flowers you are treating her as the prize. You can do this occasionally (never on demand) but remember SHE is LUCKY to have YOU.

17. It is better to be kind
than to be right.

Why can’t we be both mother dearest? It doesn’t have to be one or the other.

18. A sense of humor
goes a long way
in the healing process.

Develop your sense of humor and use it to charm and make others enjoy your company. Learn to be a good story teller.

19. Please choose your spouse wisely.
My daughter-in-law will be the gatekeeper for me
spending time with you and my grandchildren.

The best advice in here up to now. Marriage is a grave risk for men in this age of no fault divorce and a time when women regularly initiate divorces for no reason other than a lack of happiness. Marriage was meant to be a contract but it no longer means that to many people it has become a symbolic ceremony and a very expensive party that makes the bride the star of the show. IF you marry choose wisely indeed.

20. Remember to call your mother
because I might be missing you.

Give mom a call or better yet a visit she does love you even though she can’t raise you alone you need a father.

Bonus Points: If anyone tells you to man up except me ignore it. The term manning up has become a shaming term meant to control you and make you fit someone else’s expectations of what you should be. Live life on your terms, stand by your decisions and be fearless.

Fathers share this info and save our sons.

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29 Responses to 20 Things a mother should tell her son – A wise father’s rebuttal

  1. Jacob Ian Stalk says:

    12. A woman can do everything that you can do.

    This is a completely non-sensical statement. No doubt there are several women available to one man who can do the things he can do they’re never going to be the same woman. Unless those abilities are all in the same woman, and that woman is the man’s wife, then this statement makes about as much sense as “love is blue”. And what woman can create sperm using her own testicles?

    14. The reason that they’re called “private parts” is because they’re “private”. Please do not scratch them in public.

    Better still, please don’t watch a man when he scratches an uncontrollable itch on his balls, because they’re private.

    19. Please choose your spouse wisely. My daughter-in-law will be the gatekeeper for me spending time with you and my grandchildren.

    Choose wisely, but never to satisfy your mother’s desire to see her grandchildren. Choose a wife on the basis of her readiness, willingness and ability to love, respect, honour and cherish you till death do you part.

    • MTK says:

      Agree Jacob if only father’s had the balls to do this and post stuff like this like mom’s did our sons wouldn’t be suffering as a result.

      • ghumphrey says:

        The majority of your advice is repulsive! At least you aren’t bitter or a woman hater, right?. Nothing like continuing the cycle of disfunction between the sexes rather than trying to learn, understand and be educated on the desires of a woman’s heart. Teaching your son to learn to read a woman’s heart rather than teaching him to be cocky and arrogant will take him a whole lot further and bring him a great deal more happiness. I believe that goes both ways and that women need to learn how to respect men as they need to be respected rather than constantly emasculating them every chance they get. I believe the majority of woman have a lot of work to do also to understand the needs of a man However, I am talking about MEN and what you have desribed is NOT a man. A cocky, arrogant, ass doesn’t deserve anyone’s respect. A true man would never need to act in the manner you described. a true man would never need to demand respect because it would be freely given….Respect is earned and reciprocated. I believe some of your advice is good but the majority appears to come from bitterness. Not all woman are the same…just as I know not all “men ” are cocky, arrogant, bitter, woman haters. Unfortuneatly, a majority of men (no not all) are more passionate about their favorite sports team than the needs of their wife and family that they also made a committment to love, honor, respect and CHERISH….again it goes both ways. If we are unwilling to try and unwilling to learn what the other’s needs are then WE (men and Women) will never be any better off or any happier. I want my sons to know how to understand a woman’s heart. I want them to know how to treat a woman from a woman’s perspective. I want my sons to choose to do the right thing because they will answer for their actions. I want my sons to know that their actions affect others and that we must be aware of those around us, the world does not revolve around any one person. I want them to know and understand all the facets that go along with being a successful man. I want them to know that being successful doesn’t just mean finacially. We all get to make our own choices but with every choice we make, every second of every day, there are consequences, some small, some big, some temporary and some lasting.

  2. MML says:

    You must be joking, but most likely not. I can see what is wrong with people in general when I read values and ideas posted as such. I find it very disturbing that there isn’t a sense of mutual respect, politeness, etiquette, kindness towards others, shared responsibility, strong work ethic, common sense, and decency amongst society. I don’t believe in separating men and women into categories of how one should behave and think. I believe we should look to ourselves as a person in a community, someone who believes everyone has a significance on this earth, someone who takes responsibility and accountability for their actions, thinks not of themselves, but of others, and thinks before they act upon their desires. I don’t think that having these qualities makes you weak because you can have strength when necessary in life, it is when and how you use it which makes you an honorable or dishonorable person. I watch our society declining into weak, self centered, unable to think for themselves, and a lack of mutual respect for each other community. Who do I blame? Everyone…..

    • MTK says:

      There were some jokes mixed in but I mean all of the advice posted. It is pragmatic and in today’s age we are required to teach our sons how to succeed in this world not ideological advice that will get them slaughtered in life. If a son followed the advice of the mother he’d be in for a life of misery always wondering why he did the right thing but didn’t get the right result. The answer is because those are not the right things only women’s advice on what they think they’d want not what they really in fact want.

      • MML says:

        I definitely don’t agree with your philosophy, but each person has the right to their own opinion. I assume that you did not have a good relationship with your mother. I had a volatile relationship with my mother and it was my father who taught me the values and ethics growing up. He instilled the importance of standing on my own two feet and not depending on anyone for my survival in life. He also taught me the importance of being a decent, honorable, hard working, and a kind hearted person in life. My dad was a great role model for me growing up. He is the foundation that helped me to become the person that I am today. Unfortunately, I do not find too many men with the same set of values and morals as my dad’s. The men that I have found with those beliefs have been an important part of my life for many years and I’m grateful for our friendship in the years to come. What I learned from my dad is what I am passing on to my son so that he can be an amazing person. Ultimately, whether you have a good upbringing or a bad one, it is the person who shapes their own destiny. Blame should only be on oneself if the path taken is misguided. With all that said…You have a Merry Christmas and best wishes in the New Year…..

        • MTK says:

          I have had a great relationship with both of my parents who are as good a set of parents as someone could hope for (and still married to this day). I am curious how you would make the leap that I had a bad relationship with my mother. She was a previous generation of a different time so things are totally different vs. today. I am being pragmatic and advising to do what works. I hate to see men suffer due to women’s actions and their own lack of understanding of how the game works. Some men never make it through this and end up taking their own lives which is the ultimate travesty when they tried to play by what they thought were society’s rules only to get the shaft.

          Merry Christmas and best wishes for the new year to you as well.

  3. Retrenched says:

    “12. A woman can do everything that you can do.”

    Playful “battle of the sexes” banter is one thing, but if you find a woman who truly believes this, stay away. Or at the very least don’t get into a serious relationship with her. She will still expect you to do all of the things men are supposed to do, but she will show you no gratitude or respect for them because she will refuse to acknowledge that you’re doing them in the first place.

    #2 and #19 are irrelevant because any mother who taught her son all these things on this list won’t have to worry about him getting girlfriends or grandkids, because shes’s raising a nice guy who will never get out of any girl’s friend zone.

  4. Lynn says:

    Could do without the father’s cracks.

  5. There is some truth to this; however I’m sorry you couldn’t think up this stuff on your own. It seems very competitive.

    • MTK says:

      The rebuttal to the 20 things was my content what part didn’t I think up I highlighted to make my contributions apparent.

  6. Ann says:

    .’..women regularly initiate divorce for no other reason other than a lack of happiness?’ Really?
    Due to the high cost of divorce in terms of financial loss, abandonment by friends and family, having to do most of the emotional damage control for the children, and being treated like a pariah by the ‘stable citizens of society’, do you really think that most woman would do this on the basis of a “Oh SIGH – I just don’t feel very fulfilled” mentality? How about resentment at it’s limit after years of verbal, mental, or physical abuse/thoughtless behaviour/simple infantile neglect of the relationship and the piece de resistance, having an affair because a man hasn’t got the backbone to face the issues with his wife, open his heart to her, and have the courage to try and save his marriage.
    I wish you luck with the next one.

    • MTK says:

      I think there is probably a generational difference at work in some of this. What I describe is much more prevalent in age 20-30s divorces vs. later age brackets.

  7. LJC says:

    Mom’s advice to her son was simple and genuine.
    Although you claim to have made some humorous suggestions, truth can be masked in jokes. To encourage our sons to be preening, dominant figures in their relationships is to encourage a society where women are disrespected. Spend 22 years working in a battered women’s shelter as I did, and see what kind of advice you wish to pass along to boys. Male/female stereotypes, which force us into neat little boxes, are not in the best interest of anyone. Most importantly, even the best advice is meaningless unless parents model honorable behavior, which includes respect for self as well as their partner. Kids learn most powerfully from what they observe, not from what they’re told.

    • MTK says:

      How is it simple and genuine to give son advice about foolish stereotypes such as scratching himself in public? How does that help develop him as a man and make him a better person?

    • BJames says:

      the first half of your comment makes no sense: firstly it doesnt acurately describe the advice offered by the ‘father’ .. and the conclusion of what it supposedly ‘leads to’ is a huge leap!

      If you’ve been working at a Womens shelter for 22 years I feel for you and what you might have seen and experienced with those people: but you must acknowledge that your experience is by its very nature, a very extreme and non-representative one and I dont think Im going to be giving my son advice on the basis that he is assumed to be a person destined to batter women.

      But I do agree with your very last sentance very strongly. Both what they observe from both parents and what they observe from society : and in this day and age, boy are for all intents and purposes being taught they need to be ‘more like girls’, and that they are inherently bad in all kinds of way simply for being male… which whether you realise it or not is the subconcious subtext of your comment (ie the advice is not right because all men will batter women).

      For the record, I would have worded my ‘fatherly advice’ a little differntly to MOA’s – but it was a good exercise MOA thanks for that.

  8. Pingback: Reflections on a wise father's advice

  9. Jeff says:

    This would be fine except for the horrible punctuation. Do you know English at all?

  10. FemiAllus says:

    I am not a parent, so I could say I am a result of my parents’ upbringing. My parents taught me a lot of things and almost they never said anything about those values. I only saw those in them. I saw many contradicting values in them, both good and bad. However, as I age, I learned to choose and develop some based on what I saw and thought to be good or bad. So I think, the best value that my parents have taught me is to have my own mind.

  11. Chris says:

    Whoever added his own twist to this ’20 things’ list is probably one of those guys you don’t want your daughter anywhere near. Girls have to adjust their behavior to deal with the guys you’re trying to mold, and they catch all kinds of crap for being the way they are – vicious circle.

    • MTK says:

      OR he could be a law abiding citizen who doesn’t want his son to be disadvantaged by an unjust system because he was born a male. Why is equality only a goal when other’s benefit?

  12. Seg says:

    MTK- I’m not sure if you do have a son. He could not be very old. You really think a child takes everything in? Do you think of people, yourself, or son as robots? I’m a mother and I liked the “20 lessons”. I’m sure you are surprised.;) I think it’s important to help and be around for all aspects of their worlds. I could tell them some of the list and they would get it and hold on to it. Some of the list will never apply to their lives. When their men and they don’t get their girlfriends flowers everyday it’s not like I would tell them their horrible. Girls like flowers. I love flowers. It’s okay to be nice to a nice girl, mother,wife,sister ext. End of the day you give them guidance as much as you can without getting overly involved or enabling them.

  13. IgoZoom says:

    I enjoyed your rebuttal, even if I didn’t agree with all of it. My cousin was actually the author of ’20 Things A Mother Should Tell Her Son’ on her blog werdyab..com. It went viral from there on Facebook and even in the national media.

    In particular, I loved her point about not starting a fight, but if someone hits you, defend yourself! We grew up in North Georgia and don’t shit off anyone…

    • MTK says:

      Some of the advice was ok but a lot of it would leave a boy wondering what went wrong later. I think maybe in some isolated areas of the country or where people still have more traditional values it does less harm.

  14. Teenage Sons says:

    Thanks for the great article! I liked your feedback and comments. It’s great to have two perspectives. I think a great piece of advice is that it’s OK to make mistakes.
    A lot of places in our society makes it feel as though there is very little room or patience for making a mistake. But mistakes are a part of learning and helping people grow.

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